Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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