Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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