Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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