just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you had me at cake vodka
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
third nipple confirmed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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