My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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