Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
