I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
