Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
