We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
