remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
