Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
