I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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