Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
