I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
