So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
