I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
