I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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