jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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