and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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