so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
