bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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