well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just threw up on my dentist
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
