You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
