Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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