somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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