I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
