Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
