at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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