Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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