And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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