Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
