So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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