Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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