Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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