I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
