In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
