I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls