Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
