cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
