just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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