You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
