he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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