You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
