I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i love accidental penises.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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