i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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