yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
