I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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