I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wear drunk well.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
