a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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