im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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