Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
