Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you would pick up someone in the library
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
