I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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