kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
