And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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