She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
