WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Even my vagina gasped.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
