yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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