So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
