Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
