My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
