Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
