so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
