Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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