I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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