Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
