Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
