i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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