Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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