Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Life is so much better after having sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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