I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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