there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
