from now on my penis is your penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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